When I wrote my first blog post on my postpartum wardrobe, I was still in the thick of those postpartum days and feeling the frustrations that came along with still not feeling and looking like myself. I know I’ve shared this before, but the postpartum path was immensely hard on me, especially in terms of losing the weight I had gained during my pregnancy. I struggled to understand why the weight wasn’t coming off, while also simultaneously trying to learn to dress in a new size and be in a body that didn’t feel quite my own. Those words are actually very had to say and looking back, I wish I could give that new momma a huge hug and tell her this process takes time and yours will come. SO here I am, talking about my journey two years postpartum in hope it will help someone else who was in the space I was during those early months and even a year into my journey.
Right after I had Ace I was still wearing my maternity jeans, as my pre-baby jeans weren’t close to fitting. I wore them for nearly a month while my body started to bring itself back down after giving new life (read this twice, because it’s SO amazing what our bodies can do). Around the month mark, I decided to purchase two new pairs of jeans in a size that would fit my new body and wouldn’t leave me in my belly-band maternity jeans any longer. I actually needed the encouragement to do this and feel so lucky that I had the support I needed during this time, as I know that’s not always the case for everyone. It was time to start feeling as put together as a mom with a newborn could be and take a small step toward who I used to be (but really, it’s who I would become).
A few months and I started to slowly pull back out some of my old tops, or tucked the others in that I wore while being pregnant (the above chambray top barely fit over my tummy at the end). I also started purchasing a few new things here and there that made me feel excited to get dressed again. This was also around the time that I started shopping more secondhand and purchasing items from Doen, which instantly made me feel like the cool mom I wanted to be (that sounds a bit odd, but it’s true). Doen is known for flowy tops and dresses, which made me feel more comfortable with my new body (breastfeeding and all).
In January of 2020, over a year after my postpartum journey began – I hit a turning point. Our family went to Hawaii for a post-holiday/market season vacation and I wanted nothing more to swim in the ocean with my baby and soak in the warm breeze. However, my mind was clouded with thoughts of not having clothes with me that felt appropriate for the occasion (my own fault, but all I had at the time was jeans and teeshirts that fit and I felt comfortable in) and made me feel beautiful in. Wrapped in all of this, I was still dealing with my postpartum depression and anxiety (which hit me way harder than it ever had before I had Ace) and I found myself spiraling in the most beautiful place. I felt guilty for feeling this way while in a tropical paradise with my family, but I was only met with compassion and encouragement to find something I felt good in and decide how I wanted to move forward in making not only mind feel better, but my body too.
Look at those little chicken legs up there! <3 After we came back from Hawaii, I started my therapy journey and had all of my internal levels checked for any other reason I may be feeling this way. With the guidance of my doctor and therapist, we made slight changes to my daily routine and I started seeing more glimmers of light each day. A few months later, I added in more protein into my diet and started doing at-home workouts, along with meditations, with Melissa Wood Health. I kept with these changes from most of 2020 and also found a new therapist that suits my needs even more. With the mix of being in a global Pandemic alongside my journey, some days, weeks and even months still felt so hard, but I started seeing even more progress in becoming the person I felt I wanted to be — not just for myself, but for my sweet little boy who deserved to have a mother that felt good about herself too.
Toward the end of 2020, I found my even ground — where I felt like the best version of the new me. My mind felt more clear, my body felt like mine and I felt more balanced in my role as a momma. And today, in April of 2021, I’m feeling even better than I was just a few months ago. My postpartum process has felt like a very long path over the past two and a half years since Ace was born, but really — it’s been such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. If you take anything from this post, I hope it’s that everyone’s journey is so different — and truly, I would do it a million times over again.
And here I am, just days away from giving birth to new life and a new me! Never forget the beauty the journey, sweet friends!
-Chels xo